© Wendy Anne Clark, 2025

I was recently reading a Christian book where the authors kept talking about Believers and the “destiny” that they have in Christ. While I understand and agree with what they are trying to communicate, that God has things He desires for your life,  I have to reject the word “destiny” as an unbiblical word. A devout Calvinist might disagree with me, but “destiny” is not taught in Scripture.

“Destiny” is the Greek idea that there is an “inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one’s lot” or “a predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control.”  (The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition.) It carries with it the idea that, not only is something planned for you, but that you can in no way escape that plan.

However, Scripture teaches that while God is sovereign and all powerful and could make us all fall in line with His perfect desires for us, He does not. Instead, He lays out possibilities in front of us and lets us choose. He says, “Today, I set before you life and death. Choose life that you might live” (Deuteronomy 30:19). With the choice that He lays before His people, God explains the consequences that will accompany the different choices.

This choosing goes all the way back to the garden where God provides everything that Adam and Eve need to live and flourish and commands them to avoid one tree, set in the very center of the garden. He doesn’t then compel them to not eat or compel them to eat–either would have confirmed the idea of destiny; He lets them choose. Had God simply plucked that tree from the garden, there would have been no choosing.

Was there simply no other way this story could have unfolded? Was there really no choice to be made? God knew from the foundations of the world what the outcome would be, and He had a plan of redemption even then. Does that mean that sin was the destiny of mankind? We just had to be sinners, from the very beginning? 

I know I am getting into the philosophical and theological weeds, and most people won’t be interested, and it is not my purpose here to spin questions that we can’t answer in any satisfying manner. My point, my concern is that we ought not use a word like “destiny” that carries with it baggage that doesn’t easily correlate to Biblical teaching. 

In the book I mentioned, The Cure, by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall, the authors define “destiny” as “the ordained intention God has sacredly prepared with your name on it.” Then, a couple of paragraphs down they write, “Tragically, not everyone will fully realize the dreams God holds for them.” This is, however, not destiny. If one can escape it, it is not “destined” to be. That’s what the word “destiny” means. If it is your “destiny,” it will simply happen, no matter what you do.

Why does this distinction matter? The authors of the book The Cure are working to push back against and unravel wrong ideas of what it means to be saved and to walk in the Spirit. They do a very good job of sorting through what it means to live according to the Law and what it means to live by grace. But, destiny is an idea that permeates and pollutes the Christian community. It influences some people to think that if they will just mosey along, eventually they will happen on what God has for them, whether or not they give any attention to seeking after God or growing spiritually. It influences other people to think that the sin they keep falling into is simply an inevitable part of their story, a destined path they were always meant to walk. (BTW, this is not the teaching of The Cure.) 

Linked to the idea of destiny is the belief in the “soulmate.” This too is found in Greek philosophy. It’s the idea that there is really only one person for each one of us, but strangely, although one cannot escape his destiny, one can miss his soulmate and end up searching and longing throughout life for that missing piece–that spot that only one can fill. Some believe that you keep looking for and finding the same soulmate in multiple lives or that if you miss that person in this life, there is always a chance for you to meet again in some other life.

I have had discussions with Christians who are convinced that their spouse is their “soulmate” and that there is no way that they could have married anyone else. God would have prevented that from happening, destiny. Of course, it is only those who have happy, healthy marriages who have this perspective. The danger of this thinking is that it invades the troubled or challenging marriage and a person might come to believe that he or she married the “wrong” person. Instead of committing to learning to love each other and grow together, the idea of the “soulmate” provides an easy way out, in order to keep looking for that one, right person.

But the Bible doesn’t teach this idea. What the Bible does teach about whom to marry is to ask God for wisdom (James 1:5), look at the fruit of a person’s life (Matthew 7), don’t be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-16), and seek wise counsel (Proverbs 12:15). And the Bible teaches that God’s desire is for marriage to be a life-long commitment of love and faithfulness on both sides. The Bible does not teach that you couldn’t possibly make a bad choice in choosing a mate. Many have learned that the hard way. 

At its worst, naivety about the importance of careful thought and much prayer before choosing to marry has derailed many a life that had been headed for ministry. How many people spend time fasting and praying before they walk down that aisle? How many have admitted that even as they were getting ready to say “I do,” they were not certain that doing so was the best choice for their lives or even that they “knew” they were making a bad choice? Too many.

I have lived long enough to see many pastors leave ministry because of their wives’ unwillingness to live a life of service to a community of Believers. I have seen many women who longed to be involved and serve in the church, find themselves out of town every weekend because of a husband who does not share their desires (and, of course, this goes both ways). 

So while we are sorting through ideas and thoughts and teachings and separating the worldly perspectives from the Biblical ones, let’s toss out the ideas of “destiny” and “soulmates” as ideas that have some appeal but are not really true, and let’s hone in on the truth and live by it and keep encouraging each other to do the same.