Suffering | Wendy Clark Ministries

© Wendy Anne Clark, 2024

I remember a diagram we used to use with those surrendering to Jesus. It was a picture of a throne. “Who’s on the throne of your life?” we’d ask. The diagram, though useful in its way, barely scratches the surface of a deep and important part of the Christian life–surrender.

A.W. Tozer writes, “In every Christian heart there is a cross and a throne, and the Christian is on the throne ‘till he puts himself on the cross . . . “

We can draw the diagram and ask the question, ”Who’s on the throne of your life?” but it will take more than a few minutes to grasp the fulness of what the means or of what it means to truly surrender and let Christ rule. It will take some effort for us to understand how allowing Christ to sit on the throne of our lives will require that we take our own desires to the cross to die.

How do I take myself to the cross and die to myself so that I might live for Jesus? The short answer is “through confession and repentance,” but it will take much more time, thought, reflection, experience, and diving into Scripture to grasp the concept of confession and repentance and to move to the place of surrender.

While there may be some things that we quickly recognize as sin and confess and repent of, and come to surrender quickly, more often that surrender takes time. It occurs as a long process of self-reflection and examination, of acknowledgement and understanding, of confession–agreeing with God about our sin, and choosing to turn away from it–repentance. And sometimes we will find ourselves cycling back around again before we reach the place of complete surrender. Perseverance is required.

When we are surrounded by others, even others who call themselves Christians, who accept sin as “normal” or “natural,” which is often the case, the walk to the cross will be much slower, much more encumbered. We may have to drag ourselves to that cross, and we might not get a lot of support on the journey. We may not be celebrated by others when we finally get where we needed to be all along.

Sometimes we see and acknowledge parts of our sin and not the whole. Sometimes the Holy Spirit’s work is like surgery. It requires discovery of the problem, recognition that a drastic move is needed, surrender to the process, and then healing and recovery from the changes and maybe even loss that come with surrender.

The process of dying to self is not easy, and can be painful and even scary. Pulling self off the throne and yielding the seat to God is not a simple task. What the diagram of the throne fails to show us is that we often hang onto that throne with everything we have, and convincing ourselves to align with what God says is good and right and true might be the hardest part.

Through His physical death on the cross, Jesus shows us what dying to self in the spiritual realm will look like; we get a glimpse of it–and it is tortuous and bloody, messy and painful. Why do we expect that taking ourselves to the cross and allowing Jesus to rule over us will be comfortable or easy or without opposition? Are we paying attention? Have we noticed that so many give up and give in so easily, living a natural life, rather than a supernatural one?

The Apostle Paul writes to the Galatian church, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20, ESV).

It is no longer I who live.

Of this A.W. Tozer writes, “It will require a determined heart and more than a little courage to wrench ourselves loose from the grip of our times and return to biblical ways, but it can be done.”

It can be done.

But it will require . . . determination and perseverance and seeking the truth, and honest self examination and confession and repentance and . . . surrender.

(Tozer, A. W., From the Grave: A 40-day Lent Devotional, Moody Publishers, 2017.)

(background image: <a href=”https://www.vecteezy.com/free-photos/christian-cross”>Christian Cross Stock photos by Vecteezy</a>)

Hebrews 12:1-3

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.”

Over the past couple of years I have been reading and re-reading the testimonies of Christians who experienced very difficult circumstances, yet in those times continued to walk closely with God and to live in peace and joy, ministering to the people around them. These testimonies act as encouragement from the “great cloud of witnesses” who have gone before us.

Darlene Deibler Rose a young missionary who was taken prisoner by the Japanese during WWII is a story well worth reading if you haven’t read it before or re-reading if you need some encouragement today.

Evidence Not Seen: A Woman’s Miraculous Faith in the Jungles of World War II

There are many both challenging and encouraging stories in this book, but one that stands out to me involves Mr. Yamaji, who ran the Kampili POW camp where Darlene was held captive. He was a particularly cruel and unreasonable man. One of the things they were required to do was for each prisoner to catch 100 flies every day to help reduce the fly population in the camp. He would beat those who couldn’t produce 100 dead flies.

Darlene’s young husband dies in a separate camp, and Yamaji calls her into his office to deliver the news and to ask her to not lose the joyful influence that she has over others in the camp. Darlene assures him that her hope is not in this world and then shares the gospel with him:

“[Jesus] died for you, Mr. Yamaji, and He puts love in our hearts—even for those who are our enemies. That’s why I don’t hate you, Mr. Yamaji. Maybe God brought me to this place and this time to tell you He loves you.”

He leaves her sitting in the outer office where she must wait until she is formally dismissed, and he goes into his private office where Darlene can hear that he is weeping, for some time. Whatever happened to him in that office that day, he begins to show evidence of a changed life. One striking piece of evidence that he is not the same cruel man he once was involves bananas.

After Darlene had been moved from Yamaji’s camp to solitary confinement in a prison where she is likely to be eventually executed, she observes a woman outside her window in the courtyard being passed bananas over the fence. She begins to long for a single banana and asks God to send her one but doesn’t really see how that might even be possible.

“I bowed my head again and prayed, ‘Lord, there’s no one here who could get a banana to me. There’s no way for You to do it. Please don’t think I’m not thankful for the rice porridge. It’s just that–well, those bananas looked so delicious!’”

The next day, Mr. Yamaji comes to visit her in solitary confinement and then delivers to her 92 bananas, which prompts her to kneel in confession before God:

“In all my spiritual experience, I’ve never known such shame before my Lord. I pushed the bananas into a corner and wept before Him. ‘Lord, forgive me; I’m so ashamed. I couldn’t trust You enough to get even one banana for me. Just look at them–there are almost a hundred.’”

God responds back to her:

“’That’s what I delight to do, the exceeding abundant above anything you ask or think.’ I knew in those moments that nothing is impossible to my God.”

Two encouraging words through this story. God loves us personally and knows what we need. He is faithful to care for us and to bless us, even when we can’t see how He will do it.

Second, we can minister to others and have influence even when that seems impossible.

After the war Mr. Yamaji was set to be executed for his war crimes, but because of the number of people who testified on his behalf, prisoners who said his manner changed and he was a great help to them, Mr. Yamaji was spared and sentenced to life in prison. Later however, because of his good behavior in prison, he was released from prison and went on to own a business. Though Darlene had not had confirmation of his salvation while in prison, Mr. Yamaji shared the Gospel on the radio in the 1980s, many years later.

We don’t always know the influence that we are having at the time, but if we stay close to God and remain faithful, God can use us, even when we can’t see how.